Joyspan After 50: How to Find More Joy as You Age

What if the goal isn’t just to live longer, but to actually love the life you’re living? We hear so much about longevity these days. We’re told to exercise, lift weights, eat well, protect our brains and do everything possible to add more years to our lives. And while all of that matters, there’s something missing from the conversation. What good is living to 100 if we’re not enjoying the years along the way?

That’s exactly what I explored with my guest on Living Ageless & Bold, Dr. Kerry Burnight, known as “America’s Gerontologist” and author of the New York Times bestselling book Joyspan: The Art and Science of Thriving in Life’s Second Half. Kerry spent 18 years teaching geriatric medicine and gerontology at the University of California, Irvine School of Medicine, where she also co-founded the nation’s first Elder Abuse Forensic Center. After years of working with older adults facing incredibly difficult circumstances, she began asking a different question. Instead of focusing exclusively on suffering, what could help people experience greater well-being as they age?

I absolutely loved this conversation because it speaks to everything I believe about living ageless and bold. We’re at a stage in life where we’re navigating empty nests, changing careers, aging parents, health challenges and sometimes heartbreaking losses. But we’re also discovering new freedoms, deeper friendships and opportunities we might never have imagined when we were younger. Kerry’s message is that we don’t have to choose between acknowledging the difficult parts of aging and finding joy in the years ahead.

What Is Joyspan and Why Does It Matter After 50?

Most of us are familiar with lifespan, which refers to how many years we live, and healthspan, which focuses on the years we spend in good physical and cognitive health. Kerry believes both are important, but neither tells the complete story. She has worked with people who were living long lives, remained relatively healthy and mentally sharp, yet were deeply unhappy. That experience convinced her that longevity conversations were missing something essential.

She calls that missing piece joyspan, which she describes in terms of psychological well-being and life satisfaction. It’s not about feeling happy every minute or pretending everything is wonderful. It’s about creating a life that feels meaningful and satisfying, even when circumstances are far from perfect. And unlike the number of years we’ve already lived, there are things we can begin doing today to strengthen that sense of well-being.

What I appreciate about Kerry’s approach is that she isn’t selling some unrealistic vision of aging. She specifically rejects toxic positivity and the idea that growing older is always graceful or easy. After spending decades working with older adults, she knows that challenges become very real. Her point is that those challenges don’t have to prevent us from experiencing connection, growth, purpose and joy.

Internalized Ageism: Are We Our Own Worst Critics?

One of the most fascinating parts of our conversation was Kerry’s explanation of internalized ageism. She says we’re all affected by it, herself included. It’s that little voice that tells us something is wrong because we have wrinkles, our necks are changing or we can’t remember where we parked the car. Instead of recognizing these experiences as ordinary parts of life, we immediately associate them with decline.

Kerry shared a perfect example. She might forget where she parked and briefly worry that it’s the beginning of Alzheimer’s disease. Then she remembers she was talking on the phone when she parked and simply wasn’t paying attention. I laughed because how many of us have done something similar? We misplace our glasses, forget someone’s name or notice a new line on our face, and suddenly we’re telling ourselves we’re getting old.

Her advice is to recognize those thoughts and deliberately replace them. One of my favorite things she said was, “Old is not bad.” It’s such a simple statement, but think about how rarely we hear it. We’re surrounded by advertising telling us to reverse aging, fight aging and hide the evidence that we’re getting older. Kerry believes that messaging creates fear around something that is a natural part of being alive.

She also discussed research by Yale professor Becca Levy examining how beliefs about aging relate to longevity. Kerry highlighted findings suggesting that people with more positive views of aging lived an average of 7.5 years longer than those with more negative views. Her takeaway wasn’t that positive thinking makes life’s challenges disappear, but that the way we view growing older matters.

I think about this all the time when I interview women who are launching businesses, changing careers and taking on adventures in their 50s, 60s and beyond. So many of them tell me they’ve reached a point where they simply don’t care as much about what other people think. They’re willing to try something new, risk failure and move forward without needing everyone’s approval. That’s not a disadvantage of aging. That’s one of its greatest gifts.

What Actually Gets Better as We Get Older?

We’re constantly hearing about everything we supposedly lose with age, but Kerry wants us to pay attention to what we gain. She talked about the strengths that can develop over a lifetime, including better problem-solving abilities, greater perspective and a clearer understanding of what matters. After decades of making decisions, navigating relationships and overcoming obstacles, we have experience that younger versions of ourselves simply didn’t possess.

One of the examples we discussed was how much less we worry about other people’s opinions. Kerry remembered making mistakes in her 20s and thinking about them for days. Now she can make a mistake, laugh about it and move on. I hear that same sentiment repeatedly from guests on my podcast, especially women who’ve reinvented themselves later in life. They’re no longer waiting for permission to pursue something meaningful.

Kerry also talked about developing a greater appreciation for connection, art, music, nature and spirituality. These are qualities that can enrich our lives and benefit the people around us. But she emphasized that we need to recognize these strengths in order to use them. If we’re so focused on what society says we’re losing, we may overlook the abilities and perspectives we’ve spent decades developing.

This conversation reminded me of something I’ve been thinking about as I approach 60. I don’t want my children to see aging as a time when life gets smaller. I want them to see that we’re still curious, still learning and still making plans. My husband recently retired, and after a serious health scare last year, we’ve become even more intentional about enjoying our lives. When I told my daughter about our upcoming travels, she laughed that she couldn’t keep track of us. I loved hearing that because I want her to see us embracing this stage of life.

Can You Experience Joy While You’re Grieving?

This may have been the most meaningful part of our entire conversation. Kerry says she has never known a long life that didn’t include significant grief. By the time we reach our 50s and 60s, many of us have experienced the loss of parents, friends or other loved ones. Some are navigating serious illnesses, caring for family members or adjusting to major changes in relationships and everyday life.

Kerry was very clear that finding joy doesn’t mean ignoring grief. We need to acknowledge our losses, cry when we need to, talk with friends, seek counseling when appropriate and give ourselves time. Grief isn’t something we can rush through or simply decide to leave behind. We learn to carry it as part of our lives, and sometimes that process is incredibly difficult.

But here’s the idea I found so powerful: Joy and grief can coexist. We can miss someone terribly and still appreciate a beautiful sunrise. We can be frightened by a diagnosis and still laugh with a friend. We can feel sadness about the way life has changed and still discover something meaningful in the day ahead.

Kerry explained that joy is different from happiness, which often depends on what’s happening around us. Joy can be a deeper sense of contentment and connection that remains possible even during challenging circumstances. It might come from a warm cup of coffee, a conversation with someone who understands or a small act of kindness toward another person who’s struggling.

I think that’s an especially important message for women at this stage of life. We don’t have to pretend everything is perfect, and we don’t have to wait until every problem is solved before allowing ourselves to enjoy something. Sometimes finding joy means recognizing that life can be both heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.

Making Friends After 50: Why You Have to Take the First Step

Another topic we explored was loneliness, especially among people whose children have moved away or whose social circles have changed. Kerry hears from older adults who say nobody invites them anywhere, their calendars are empty or they have nothing to look forward to. She understands how painful that can be, but she also believes we have opportunities to build and nurture relationships throughout our lives.

Her advice is wonderfully practical: Be the friend you wish you had. If you want to be part of a book club, consider starting one. If you’d like to have lunch with someone, extend the invitation. If you know a friend is going through a difficult time, pick up the phone and check in. We can’t always wait for other people to make the first move.

Kerry compares our friendships to a financial portfolio. Just as we’re encouraged to diversify our investments, she believes we should cultivate connections across different parts of our lives. Friends move away, circumstances change and, sadly, people pass away. Continuing to meet new people helps us build relationships that can support us through different stages of life.

Her own mother, Betty, is an incredible example. At 97, Betty has outlived nearly all her longtime friends, but she hasn’t stopped making connections. She has a group of friends in their 70s whom she calls “the youngs,” and they come to her house to play cards because she no longer drives. I absolutely loved that story. Here’s a woman in her late 90s who understands that friendship and connection remain important, no matter how old we are.

Kerry also reminded us that loneliness isn’t necessarily the same as being alone. Someone can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, while another person may spend considerable time alone and feel perfectly content. What matters is whether we have the level of meaningful connection we want in our lives.

Why Small Acts of Kindness Can Change Someone’s Life

During our conversation, I shared something deeply personal. When my husband was going through cancer treatment last year, one of the people who helped me most was a friend I wouldn’t necessarily have described as one of my closest friends. She checked in with me every single day for months, often with a simple text asking how I was doing, how my husband was feeling or whether I needed anything.

Those messages weren’t long or elaborate, but they meant the world to me. Knowing someone was thinking about us and consistently showing up made an enormous difference during a frightening time. My husband experienced something similar with people who weren’t necessarily his closest friends but reached out regularly to offer support.

Kerry loved that example because it illustrates something we can all do. We sometimes hesitate to contact someone who’s struggling because we don’t know what to say or worry that a small gesture won’t be enough. But a simple message, a phone call or an offer to help can have a much greater impact than we realize.

She shared a story about a woman living in a nursing home who has significant physical limitations. Despite those challenges, the woman decided she wanted to become an exceptional listener. She studied how to listen more effectively, and now people seek her out because they value the attention and understanding she offers. Kerry described how people line up to spend time with her.

What struck me was the reminder that we always have something to give. Our contributions don’t have to depend on perfect health, physical mobility or financial resources. Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can offer another person is simply our attention.

A Simple Gratitude Practice to Build Your Joyspan

Toward the end of our conversation, I asked Kerry for one thing people could begin doing immediately to create more joy in their lives. She didn’t suggest an expensive retreat, a major lifestyle overhaul or anything particularly complicated. Instead, she recommended a simple gratitude practice that takes about a minute.

When you wake up tomorrow morning, before your feet touch the floor, identify three to ten things you’re grateful for. Rather than immediately focusing on everything that’s wrong, your aches and pains, your to-do list or the problems waiting for you, take a moment to recognize what’s right. Those challenges will still be there when you get out of bed, but you’re intentionally directing some of your attention toward the good things in your life.

Kerry explained that this practice is connected to research on gratitude and attention. She acknowledged that some people initially dismiss it as overly simplistic or unrealistic, but she encourages them to try it anyway. It doesn’t cost anything, takes very little time and offers an opportunity to begin the day with a different mindset.

We also talked about gratitude journals. Kerry’s mother has kept a numbered list of things she’s grateful for, adding another entry each day. Kerry said that one day, those written reflections will become a meaningful legacy. I thought that was beautiful because a gratitude journal doesn’t just help us recognize what’s good in our lives today. It can also preserve a record of what mattered to us for the people we love.

Why Joyspan Is Really About Living Ageless and Bold

What I loved most about Dr. Kerry Burnight is that she isn’t suggesting we deny the realities of aging. She’s encouraging us to stop treating those realities as reasons to withdraw from life. We can acknowledge our changing bodies, the losses we’ve experienced and the uncertainty of the years ahead while continuing to build relationships, discover interests and find meaning.

Her mother Betty, still making friends and keeping her gratitude journal at 97, is a wonderful example of that philosophy. And Kerry herself has taken decades of experience working with older adults and turned it into a message that challenges the way our culture talks about longevity. Rather than asking only how many years we can add to our lives, she’s asking what will make those years worth living.

For me, this is exactly what Living Ageless & Bold is all about. We’re not trying to be younger versions of ourselves. We’re embracing the experience, confidence and perspective we’ve earned while staying open to everything that’s still possible. We can reinvent ourselves, form new friendships, make a difference in someone else’s life and find moments of joy even when things aren’t easy.

So the next time you catch yourself saying you’re too old to do something, or criticizing your appearance because you’re aging, remember Kerry’s words: “Old is not bad.” Maybe it’s time to stop measuring success only by how long we live and start paying more attention to how fully we’re living.

You can find Dr. Kerry Burnight’s New York Times bestselling book, Joyspan, wherever books are sold, and learn more about her work at DrKerryBurnight.com.

Listen to my full conversation with Dr. Kerry Burnight on Living Ageless & Bold. And if you know someone who needs a reminder that life can still be joyful, meaningful and exciting after 50, please share this episode with her. We have an opportunity to change the conversation about aging, and it starts with how we think about our own lives.

Watch the full episode here: