In today’s episode, we tackle a topic that is often avoided but one that we are intimately familiar with—grief. While our prime years are filled with excitement and vitality, they also bring turbulent changes in our relationships and careers. To guide us through the complexities of trauma and grief, we are joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Walling.
Dr. Sherry opens up about the different forms of loss and how we can support one another through compassionate curiosity. Drawing from her own personal experiences of hardship, she shares how she managed to find happiness amidst profound tragedy. Her insights offer a beacon of hope for those navigating the challenging terrain of grief.
We invite you to join the conversation and share your thoughts on the tips and insights provided by Dr. Sherry. We understand that dealing with grief is a deeply personal and complex journey, and we hope that the guidance offered in this episode resonates with you and provides solace during difficult times.
From Grief Journal to Invaluable Guide in the Landscape of Loss
Dr. Sherry Walling is a clinical psychologist specializing in supporting the mental health of entrepreneurs. Sherry details her work through various mediums like books, a podcast called Zen Founder, and one-on-one sessions with entrepreneurs and their companies.
She also has an extensive background in trauma psychology and is a mental health advocate, speaker, and author. Her book, “Touching Two Worlds: A Guide for Finding Hope in the Landscape of Loss,” has been helpful to many grappling with loss.
Sherry’s motivation for writing the book stems from her professional background in trauma psychology and her personal experiences that intensified her expertise in grief. In a span of six months, she faced the loss of her father to cancer and her brother to suicide. Additionally, she experienced the departure of a young girl who had been a part of her family. These varied forms of grief within a short time propelled Sherry to document her journey initially as a personal journal, which eventually evolved into a book aimed at offering solace and companionship to those navigating a similar emotional journey.
Simple Acts of Kindness
Grief is complex, especially when it comes to different types of loss. Christina shares her struggle with finding the right words or actions when supporting friends dealing with losses like the passing of parents or partners. Sherry emphasizes the uniqueness of each grief experience and the need to approach it with an open mind and heart.
While there might be societal frameworks for unfortunately common losses—like losing a parent, a sibling, or a child—it is important to remember that everyone’s emotional response can vastly differ. She suggests maintaining a compassionate curiosity when supporting someone in grief. This means being warm, showing care, and asking open, gentle questions about their feelings and memories rather than assuming or imposing one’s understanding of the situation.
Sherry also highlights the significance of simple acts of kindness and presence. She gives an example of how she supported a friend who faced an unimaginable tragedy by merely showing up with tissues and sitting together, allowing space for shared sorrow.
During times of grief, it’s not about having the perfect words but showing up with gestures of care. Whether it’s providing food, and tissues, or simply offering to take a walk together, offering genuine support can help re-anchor the grieving person amidst their emotional turmoil.
Terminal Illness v. Sudden Losses
There are two types of grief many speak of: the gradual, emotionally complex grieving process that comes with a terminal illness versus the sudden, heart-wrenching impact of an unexpected loss. Sherry describes the 18 months leading to her father’s passing as both long and fleeting, where time seems distorted, allowing for preparation and precious moments with her family before his death. Conversely, in sudden losses, Sherry explains how the immediacy of the event hits hard, disrupting not just emotions but also the body and mind’s ability to process the shock and the seemingly impossible reality that sets in rapidly.
Sherry and Christina acknowledge that grief isn’t necessarily more or less in either scenario, but the way it manifests and affects individuals can be notably different based on the circumstances surrounding the loss.
The Importance of Support and Embracing Your Aliveness
When coping with grief, Sherry emphasizes the importance of reconnecting with one’s vitality, drawing from her own experience of channeling energy into unconventional activities like circus arts. She suggests finding moments or activities that anchor you to your aliveness, whether through physical movement or personal passions.
Additionally, Sherry highlights the significance of grieving alongside others. She notes that sharing the grieving process with supportive individuals, be it in a therapy setting, a support group, or among family and friends who knew the departed, can be incredibly meaningful. It offers opportunities to speak their name, share stories, and keep their memory alive in conversations and moments, even long after their passing.
Christina resonates with this idea, recalling a recent trip where she connected with her dad’s childhood friend, reviving stories and memories of her father. This exchange of anecdotes and shared memories brought her dad back to life in a vibrant, beautiful way, illustrating how keeping loved ones present through stories and remembrance can be a powerful tool for healing, even years after their departure.
The Loneliness Epidemic
A recent study from the Surgeon General indicates that half of all Americans have experienced loneliness at some point. This realization saddens Christina, especially as people grow older, lose connections, and face the possibility of increased isolation.
But how do we combat this loneliness epidemic?
Sherry expresses concerns about overreliance on digital connections, emphasizing the importance of physical social interaction beyond screens. She encourages engagement in activities like joining clubs—such as pickleball or bridge—that foster real, meaningful connections within the community. The damaging consequences of prolonged isolation, such as what many experienced during the pandemic, can have lasting negative effects on our lives.
Other Losses in Life
Death is just one form of loss we experience in life. In this episode, Christina and Sherry explore other types of loss, like the transition of experiencing an empty nest as children grow up and move away. Christina shares her personal experience as her son graduated and left for New York, triggering a mix of emotions, from pride to the pain of separation.
Sherry acknowledges the grief involved in this natural life phase, highlighting the importance of recognizing and normalizing the emotions tied to such a significant change. Rituals associated with transitions like graduations can serve as a preparation process for the entire family in adapting to a new phase of relationships.
There is a balancing act of granting independence while maintaining connections with adult children. Sherry and Christina discuss the differences in parent-child relationships now compared to earlier generations, largely influenced by factors like social media and constant connectivity. Sherry suggests having open conversations to construct a healthy balance of staying connected without being overbearing.
While it can be challenging to navigate this change and loss, this time can also be an incredible opportunity for parents to find new ways to channel their nurturing instincts and redefine their sense of purpose beyond their immediate family.
Another loss that can be experienced by women is when they are pushed out of corporate environments as they age. This can create uncertainties about their next steps and potential career prospects later in life. Sherry encourages embracing entrepreneurship and creativity as empowering solutions. She remains optimistic, believing that women have much to offer and can find meaningful ways to contribute and create, emphasizing that the journey of growth and purpose is ongoing.
Continued Growth and Development for Adults
Embracing the evolving sense of purpose and intentionality in the later chapters of life can be incredibly fulfilling. Christina notes a common theme among the women she interviews—a shift toward pursuing purpose with greater intentionality in this new phase. It’s not about adhering to societal expectations anymore; it’s about tapping into newfound confidence and exploring passions with a sense of freedom and purpose.
Sherry and Christina discuss how this phase is marked by a different kind of happiness—one that isn’t necessarily tied to earlier life milestones like marriage or starting a family. It’s empowering to embrace the changing desires and interests as individuals move into their 50s and beyond.
Developmental milestones don’t ever stop—even in the third act of your life. Sherry shares psychologist Erik Erikson’s perspective that growth and development continue throughout life. This outlook encourages individuals to recognize that they’re not finished evolving and that there’s room for exploration and change at any age.
Join the Conversation
When Dr. Sherry Walling talks about her greatest accomplishment since turning 40, she gets emotional. She shares that writing her book, “Touching Two Worlds,” has been an act of love. It’s a tribute to her dad and brother and a heartfelt connection to everyone dealing with grief. She admits finding the courage to write and sell it was a challenge but feels immensely proud of this accomplishment.
You can find the book “Touching Two Worlds: A Guide for Finding Hope in the Landscape of Loss,” in local bookstores and online platforms such as Amazon.
We encourage you to join us in this powerful conversation about grief, loss, and resilience. Whether you are currently navigating your own grief or supporting someone who is, the insights shared in this episode can offer guidance and comfort. Share your thoughts and experiences, and let us know if you found the tips and advice helpful in your own journey of healing.
Together, we can create a community that embraces vulnerability and supports one another through the complexities of grief. Let’s navigate the path to healing and find solace in our shared humanity.
See Sherry’s full episode here:
Join our community at www.LivingAgelessandBold.com
See all of our podcasts at https://christinadaves.com/living-ageless-podcast/
Listen on your favorite platform and make sure to subscribe.
Watch and subscribe on YouTube
And if you love it, please leave a review!